The Natural Acquirer/ The Ten Commandments
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Everything I need to know I learned From Noahs' Ark

Forgiveness

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Pastor Lance Has a good day!
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Working For Jesus will make you this Way!

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"Go and do thou likewise..."
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After much negotiation you finally convinced the deacons to allow a hot-shot prophet to minister at your church.The big day has arrived. You’ve just been called out; you stand, trembling, with all eyes staring at you. Here are some words I hope you don’t receive:


--Your name is Sam? Paul? Bill? Joe? No, wait, don’t tell me!

--There is a heavy anointing on you and your ministry– the Job anointing.

--Thus saith the Lord, “Thy wife is always right.”

--I think the Lord is calling you to a 40-day water fast.

--Does the word “poverty” mean anything to you?

--Now is the time to deal with that secret sin.

--The Lord will lift you up as an example for all to see – an example of what happens to a proud and arrogant spirit.

--In the next two years the Lord will move mightily on this church, increasing His Spirit, power and authority. Unfortunately,you will be shepherding elsewhere.

--I see your tombstone; it says “nineteen nineeeety...nevermind.”

--Thus saith the Lord, “Thy mother-in-law is also always right.”

--You are precious to the Lord; He will not allow you to continue in your sin. For your benefit He will break you, yea, He will hold thy face in the dust and strew thy ruins across a desert land.

--During 1998 the stock market will...sorry, lost it.

--I’m getting a picture of your daughter’s future husband. His name is “Harley.” No, that’s not his name; that’s what he rides.

--The Lord’s nickname for you is “My Little Ichabod.”

--Tell your wife not to put too much effort into decorating the parsonage.

--I hope the presence I am sensing is demonic because if it’s you, you’re in serious trouble.

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